a quick prayer.

“Kintsugi”

You found how to fill like gold to hold

together the cracks of my broken body,

an art form that requires destruction

of the formal self

followed by the acceptance of others

in order to create

completion.

Now in the land of

whites of their eyes

I hope I translate well.

For even though Asian pastures that

we’ve never touched

can pin us with exactness,

in farmhouse we have made our home,

and I have set my vase upon hope.  

winter.

After Last Night

I tried to bring back purity by 

drowning myself with

tangerines and lavender 

but they came up as 

us and I

My body has been on a funeral march 

since my birth. 

You are a king,

I am a slave. 

Let us find a path. 

(II)

I ran four miles. I made sure to count. 

I felt sorry for myself

then for you

then everyone after that. 

All the virgins, the very apple.

Every truck in America. 

move back. 

I apologize to every ant I kill,

to every flaw.

To every speck. 

When You Aren't Looking

My love for you depends on what shirt you are wearing. 

And the placement of your lips when you aren’t talking.

I wonder what you sound like when you are angry. 

My love for you depends on if I am looking up at you. 

And if I am able to smell you. 

Show me my place. 

Draw a line through my hands, dammit. 

Here. I won’t touch you. 

I will make sure a glass door is installed. 

No, a steel door. 

With a lock. 

My favorite smells are pine, mint gum, and your neck. 

You taste like flesh mixed with a sun warmed forest and old coffee. 

I could put my lips to the hairs on your chin for 2 hours straight.

wait. 

Let’s climb a mountain. 

And then lay under a blanket of 1 am. 

I need to ask you. 

When will I stop building spider webs, 

just to dissolve them like spun sugar? 

Bad News.

Fishing

Everyone is looking for happiness,
like its the gold rush.
Claiming their spots on the lines of his palms.
Or setting up camp in post card scenery.
But I took interest in the sea.
Diving into moods that wash over me
with no instant reward.
Once you strike gold,
where is your depth?
You're a canal
and I am an abyss.

Conversations with a Boy I've Never Met (II)

Are you happy? Proud? Anything? Do you wake up thinking of someone? Does your hair stick to your face as you scratch your inner leg? Is there a burning desire to turn around still left inside your stomach? Do you ever have thoughts that hit you like a man hits a rabbit on a road? Do they strike you in a pleasant way; are you moved? Is there guilt in your exhale? Is there caution in your hands? Are nights your daytime? Is daytime your playground? Do you pick at your nails just to slow things down? Do you forget to look up? Just once? Does your heart skip beats? Do your hips find a rhythm? Does your car go fast? Can you show me? Will it hurt? Do you ever stop and think, even for a millisecond, or half:

Am I happy, proud, anything?